when you wish upon a star;

This weblog does not represent the thoughts, intentions, plans or strategies of anyone else.
It is solely my opinion.
Feel free to challenge me, disagree with me, or tell me I’m completely nuts in the comments section of each blog entry or my chat box, but I reserve the right to delete any comment or ban any person for any reason whatsoever (abusive, profane, rude, or anonymous comments) - so keep it polite, please.
Just in case.
If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone.
My stupidity! You can’t have it! :)

Note: I do not take credit for the pictures i post unless i stamp my blogspot on it, thank you.

Disappointment.

Sunday, October 31, 2010,6:34 PM

I've never known that disappointment can eat up a person so much that only emptiness is left. Hopes up, crushed in a second. Tears welled up but my ego would not let them fall. Not my fault, i say. So why should i cry when it's not my fucking fault? What did i do? I ask myself over and over again. Why am i here? Why am i in this position? Why don't i just run and escape and forget everything?

Things have been shitty lately. It seems like everything isn't right. I'm so damn disappointed in you, you, and you. I have put high hopes on everything, i had wished hard, prayed hard for everything to work. Is it because i ain't sincere enough for God to help me? I've done everything i could, every single thing. I do not sit there and just wait. I tried, i persisted. But none of you did.

I've learned that promises are lies. Freaking lies. What's the point of making a promise when you know you're going to break it anyway? How many chances i gave, i lost count. How much hope i poured in, i lost count. How many things i did to make everything right and fix it, i lost count. And what did i get in the end? Bloody disappointment. I've been so stupid, i thought that promises really are promises. I'm stupid to the point that i believe in every single one of them. I thought that things had change and become better, but in truth it just became worse.

I'd told myself not to give up anymore. I'd told myself that it's not the end and there will be changes, better changes. I told myself that if i tried hard enough, everything will be what i want it to be. But it's proven that i'm just dumb to believe all these. I thought i was stable, i thought i could stand firmly on the ground, at least for a longer time. But now i'm standing on the edge of the cliff again. This time, will i jump down by my own, or will somebody push me?

I know i shouldn't blog when i'm in such a terrible mood. I didn't want to upset you readers, really. I've thought of putting this as a private post but then what the fuck this is my blog and i realize i don't really care. I just need to express my feelings, okay? Pardon me if i said anything that you don't like.

you big fat liar.
LIAR.
失望透了，知道吗？

0 comments.

Empty.

Saturday, October 30, 2010,6:43 PM

My ships are slowly sailing away, and i am left alone at the port. The only thing i can do is pray and hope for them to come back. You know, your world falls apart the moment your ships cruised away. Please come back to me?

突然间很讨厌我自己。
去他妈的。

所谓的证明呢？

0 comments.

Bored.

Friday, October 29, 2010,7:08 PM

Hey there. I don't actually have anything to blog about today. So i might as well try something. I've always seen people doing private posts on their blog and i want to do it too. T_T So i asked ZiSin and she gave me the website. Thank you so much! (: Trying it out now, hope it works.

Password is 'hello'. I really had nothing else to do wtf.

0 comments.

Dissociation.

Thursday, October 28, 2010,6:32 PM

I was so numb. I eat, talk, sleep, walk like a robot, in a perfunctory way. I couldn't feel anything, couldn't think. And then, without bracing for it, the wave of truth suddenly hits me as hard as a tsunami, and i couldn't stop the tears at all. But just as sudden as it arrived, it was gone before i knew it. It disappeared within a second and i fall back to dissociation. I'm terrified of myself. What did i do? What happened? Where should i go? I was so confused, i couldn't make decisions for myself. But my inner voice told me: "You've done right, this is the best solution. This is the only way. Everything will be alright." I listened to the voice, because it was never wrong and i have always trusted it.

I cross my fingers, and i pray.

0 comments.

Japanese students!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010,7:47 PM

Was excited since yesterday because today the Japanese students from Seibudai High School will visit us. (: As usual, sharing you the pics.

They're all lining up preparing to be paired with their buddies. Sadly i don't have a buddy since i'm a facilitator. T_T

The Jap students with their nice uniforms, listening to speeches.

The ice breaking game where everyone hold each others hands and then try to untangle themselves. ( Pardon me but i really don't know how to explain this. )

The angpaos! I'm a facilitator for the tanglung section, will be teaching them how to make lanterns with red packets.

Bryan doing the lantern. Well, we realize that we had insufficient time to complete the lantern and we have to change our plans for the other groups. Too bad!

This is our impromptu plan. No more lanterns, this one is simpler right.

=) I notice that the Japs love to do the peace sign.

Batik. Seems fun!

Kompang playing.

Ketupat weaving.

Kolam. Really wana have a try sobs.

Look look look at this gorgeous, elegant girl. ( Obviously the second one from the left. ) All the guys were practically fighting to take pictures with her. She's so damn beautiful! Omg.

By the way, there are a few handsome Jap guys too, and we took picha with one of them. Ling was totally electrocuted and she was practically stalking that guy! *laughs*

Shirley and her product. ( No idea what's that. )

Food glorious food, i was so hungry by that time and ate like a maniac.

My sweeties.

=) Side note: Actually you know what? Jap girls are kinda weird you know, most of them sit with their legs wide open. We were like, dumbfounded. Culture shock omg.

Dance performance!

I gave this gift to a random Jap girl. Originally i wanted to give it to a girl with a cute laugh but then i mistaken her for somebody else, damn. ( And yes i know my name is spelled wrongly but who cares? )

Finally they went back, sayonara!

Hearts babe.

Ah this is the origami thing the Japs taught me. Really nice, too bad i forgot the complicated steps wtf.

Overall, it was quite a nice day. Hope they're coming back soon. Cheers ;D

-----

Disappointed at everything.
I feel like giving up, i feel like maybe i'm already halfway gone.
But then i think, it could be my fault. Not yours, not anyone's, solely mine.
I've never hated myself this much before.
I'm a goddamn bitch.
And you're a goddamn bastard.

2 comments.

Genuine Sushi!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010,6:29 PM

That day it was faux sushi, now it's the genuine, real thing. (: The 28 of us went to Midvalley's Sushi King to have a sushi making course, as mentioned in my previous post. Hereby sharing the pictures!

In the bus, ling and my stupid face. ;D

We were supposed to wear this plastic cap when we make sushi. I look damn stupid wtf.

Besties with the shower cap. (:

8 people in a group, these are our ingredients on the table.

Ms Wong, the instructor explaining about Japanese and types of sushi.

The kanikama nigiri i made! ( Learned the name from Ms Wong. )

My tuna mayo gunkan.

And then reluctantly, i went in front to make the uramaki. ( Meaning sushi with rice outside, seaweed inside. )

Here we go! With the fish roe on top. ( Shit, i forgot what's fish roe called in Jap. )

Muahaha my temaki.

My babe and her temaki.

The free bento for us, our lunch. By that time my stomach was full of sushi already and i can't swallow even half the bento.

They won the best looking sushi competition and got vouchers. *jealous*

Very nice group photo. ;D

To sum it all up, it was quite a nice trip. But i'm having a flu and it made me feel sleepy and tired so that's a minus point. Went back to school at around 1pm and rehearsed for tomorrow's Japanese exchange student program. Can't wait! Hopefully my flu will recover soon. >_<

Btw you know what, i really dislike that person now. Wtf what kind of people is this? They think they're very pro or something. Hello, you. Do you really have nothing else to do? You don't even know the way i quote people and you're making noise about it. I've got my own way, you've got yours. Must i follow yours? How childish. Can't believe that you're actually elder than me. Rather than wasting time doing all these, i suggest you to study for your upcoming exam. -.-

0 comments.

Gratitude.

Monday, October 25, 2010,6:25 PM

Gona blog about something crappy today (: The other day Ms Elvinna asked for my help to make the Talentime poster. I was reluctant but, oh what the hell. And then i started choosing fonts from the internet and drawing them on a piece of paper.

Yes, i drew them, i did not print them. ( Friends said that. ) And guess what? I asked her today and realize that i can use the computer to make it wtf. -_-

Skip that. The other day i went to Jusco with mummy and bought this real cutie from Happie Monster.

*shrieks*

You open it...

To put your toothbrush! (; I stuck it on the mirror. So damn adorable.

Tomorrow, i'll be going to the sushi making trip. Such a disappointment to know that there's only 20+ students going, sighs. Kinda regretted paying the money without confirming that everyone will be going. :( But well, gotta enjoy myself since it's at Midvalley! ( Will do Fluffy-searching, promise. ) Definitely will update tomorrow i guess. Stay tuned!

-----

God i thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you.
It is still the same, yes.
Maybe even better. (:

0 comments.

Niece's birthday.

Sunday, October 24, 2010,3:03 PM

It was Vivian's ( my beautiful niece ) birthday celebration yesterday, and i like i said we went to mama's house for the small party. Watched Battleground there and was disappointed that there's no ECX. T_T i miss them! Anyway, posting up the pics. (:

Birthday cake. She's 10 this year, 11 according to chinese calendar. ( I suppose there's something wrong with the number of candles. )

Another cake.

Adult on the left is my eldest brother, hugging Brian, and next to them is Joyce, then Vivian making a wish, then their mum, and Bill. =)

Blowing the candles! Kids enjoy this right, i do too.

Cut the cake!

Group picture. There were so many kids around that i don't even know who their parents were.

Ah, a very very adorable Brian. Loves!

Unwrapping presents.

A very very adorable Bill. Omg the twins are so cute i have to smile when i see them!

Oh how i miss having birthday parties. ;D

Today is Sunday and i'm so bored, i feel like blogging again later but then, better not. Save the post for tomorrow right. Hopefully i'll go out for lunch later if not i'll die of boredom. But actually it's fine since i've got the tv and book with me. Wtf am i crapping. Okay, i shall stop. See ya.

-----

Patience, patience, patience.
It will come back, don't worry.
It will not be gone so easily.
I'll wait.

0 comments.

Faux Sushi.

Saturday, October 23, 2010,5:31 PM

Another handmade craft of mine is completed! Feeling a gust of satisfaction and pride now. This time it's not cake or anything, it's something i've never tried before -- sushi! (:

This is what i'm trying to make, my very first D.I.Y sushi. ( Please do not compare the end result with this picture thank you. )

The fabric and sample papers. (:

Instructions that suck. Wtf i don't even understand some of it. So i became innovative and used my own way. =)

Cutting out everything. It may look easy but let me tell you, it's damn annoying and it took most of my time.

And i sew and glued and sew and glued...

Ta-da! Here you go! Inevitably, there are actually some flaws if you look at the real thing. But who cares, at least it looks 50% like the picture above right. I love it omg. ;D

It's arranged nicely on my dressing table now and i can't help but smile when i look at it! I will be going to a sushi-making school trip next Tuesday. Well, i'll be able to make real sushi then. *laughs*
Anyway, i'm going to mama's house for my niece's birthday celebration later on. Will update if i took pictures. Stay tuned babes. (:

-----

I tell myself, it's not gona change.
Yes it'll stay the same, don't worry.
Trying very hard to convince myself...

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