This weblog does not represent the thoughts, intentions, plans or strategies of anyone else.
It is solely my opinion.
Feel free to challenge me, disagree with me, or tell me I’m completely nuts in the comments section of each blog entry or my chat box, but I reserve the right to delete any comment or ban any person for any reason whatsoever (abusive, profane, rude, or anonymous comments) - so keep it polite, please.
Just in case.
If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone.
My stupidity! You can’t have it! :)
Note: I do not take credit for the pictures i post unless i stamp my blogspot on it, thank you.
Another post that you should ignore.
Saturday, April 30, 2011,10:09 PM
I don't know what i want. I wish God would materialize and tell me what i need, what i'm supposed to do, because i don't have a clue. It's not like i haven't been thinking, it's not like i'm ignoring things and pushing them out of my mind.
okay maybe sometimes i did But even when i sit down and think hard about it, even if i list down the pros and the cons, i can't reach the final verdict. I just can't, this is too complicated this is madness.
I want, but at the same time i don't. I'm hovering between this two lines and i think i'm going crazy. You don't seem to understand. Actually i can't comprehend this either. Goddamnit.
Friday, April 29, 2011,11:41 PM
Life's been *insert suitable adjective*. I can't seem to find the word to describe the situation now. Shall i say exciting? Hectic? Hopeful? Thankful? Guilty? Boring? I wish i could find a word to summarize everything up. Anyway, i've been skipping lots of classes lately hence there are piles of homework waiting for me to complete damn. Oh and i'm currently preparing for Teacher's Day performance with my bunch of bitches, i hope it works out well. The most important thing is i hope we will have lots of fun! Love you girls xo.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011,11:24 PM
I never needed you to be perfect; i just needed you to be there.
But you weren't. So for once and for all, i decided to stand up for myself and escape. I came to realize that there are far more important things in life, there are so much more for me to do. That was just a chapter of my life. The chapter's gone, but the story goes on. It's time for me to protect myself from harm, shield myself from any form of pain. I had jumped too far, fallen too deep. But not anymore. I saved myself just in time, and now i just want to get going with my life.
I can't give you what you want.
Whatever i said, whatever i do, it all came out wrong.
I tried, i really did.
But i'm sorry i couldn't do any better.
Monday, April 25, 2011,6:03 PM
Date: 23rd April 2011
Event: ZiSin's 16th birthday celebration.
Venue: Midvalley, main venue The Garden Cafe.
Dress code: Vintage. Supposedly.
Time (mine): 1pm - 1am. Yes say wtf.
Attendees: ZiSin, Jeslyn, Ling, SianFei, Joanne, Suki, Queenie, YiXuan, KahPoh, ManYung, WinShen, MingYau, JaZheng, JinShen, KengSeng, Jasper, Richie, Justin, SyKuan, Marcus, PeiYee, DingXiang, LiWei, OJK etc.
Note: 95% of the pictures below are stolen from SianFei's, MingYau's Jeslyn's and ZiSin's facebook because my camera was too shitty sorry. Edited them though.
I decided to go slightly more detailed for this post instead of just letting the pics do the talking. Because...
i'm finding a reason to delay my chinese tuition homework so that you guys can know what exactly happened. (:
I picked up Ling and we went to Queenie's house at about 1pm, SianFei & KahPoh were already there. We waited "patiently" for Xuan and Suki and finally we took off for Midvalley at about 2pm if i'm not mistaken. While waiting...
We took pictures. Queenie is supposed to wear that dress but she is too bitchy and she don't listen to our suggestion! ):
She ended up wearing that stupid shirt and pants. What a waste for that beautiful dress.
In the car, i'm stuck between two gorgeous ladies :O
We reached Midvalley --thank you Queenie's mummy for the ride!-- and we wanted to eat because i was practically starving already. Earlier we planned to eat Sushi Zanmai but our plans took a right turn and we finally went for..
Flying Chillies. Thai food, my first time eating here.
My spicy spaghetti and seafood. 'Spicy' is an understatement. It was holy-god-it's-so-spicy-my-tongue-is-burning that kind of spicy.
My beloved babe and I. Mwahh.
After that WinShen joined us, and then ZiSin and Jes arrived, along with Jasper SyKuan and some guys, i don't really remember who. It's kind of confusing sometimes.
I think ZiSin and Xuan and Jeslyn really nailed the vintage dress code. The rest of us...well i guess we kinda went off topic.
Then we strayed around the mall. Sadly, Ling received a call and said that she'll be going home soon because of some complications. Sigh it was heartbreaking. ): Anyway, we decided to go to our main venue The Garden Cafe because it was near our pre-booked time (5pm).
Us girls, i love this picture! We were waiting outside The Garden Cafe for our seat to be arranged.
After much arranging and complaining and seating plans, we went in! My first time eating here too. The setting was beautiful. (:
My beloved babe went home later before she even get to drink the mushroom soup that she ordered. I drank it for her and it was horrible omg! Ah Ling thank God you didn't have to taste that weird bowl of liquid.
We ate and chatted and laughed and took pics...
The pretty birthday girl and I. ( I don't have to mention that she's wearing high heels right? Heh. )
WinShen and I. (:
KahPoh and I. =)
Then it was the moment for the birthday cake & song. The birthday girl's husband brought the cake to her and oh how sweet is that!
People will be getting diabetes, sweetness overload!
All the girls and the birthday girl. ;D
The retarded girl with all "her" branded bags.
The couple of the day, they were so cute!
We went strolling around again, our huge group. Went to the cinema and bought tickets for a 9.20pm movie. It was kinda complicated for me because i didn't think i could stay that late without getting some serious nagging from mum. So i had to call mum again and again (she was at a party and didn't pick up her phone) and tried unsuccessfully to arrange my transport home.
Anyway it wasn't time for the movie yet, so everyone went to The Library --not the literal one-- because they wana drink beer? I have no idea, i wasn't focusing entirely on what's happening as i was busy being a hand phone zombie. Rephrase, a hand phone zombie who was diligently planning for her own transport home. They played games and drink and stuffs like that, and we went for the movie after that.
Hello Stranger was the movie we watched, it's a Thai movie but it's hilarious! Like seriously. But the sad thing is, halfway through the movie i received the news about my babe and i was...grief-stricken. I never really learned how to handle these things, i guess nobody really did. I know, it wasn't even someone i know but it's related to someone i know so i feel sad all the same.
I was totally depressed, too distressed to do anything. Plus i was super worried about my babe. And of course i didn't have any mood to watch the movie anymore. Even left the cinema to calm down. What a waste, they all said it was a great movie! ): Ugh then i followed WinShen's car home along with Jasper, JinShen & Justin. Yes i reached home at 1am, broke the record omg! Mum was angry and i hope she wouldn't tell dad shh.
That's all about Saturday. Was it detailed enough? Okay i guess not really but who cares. It was fun and enjoyable, once again happy belated birthday to ZiSin Wong! Stay sweet, okay? (:
P.S. And of course thank you for what you did, i really appreciate it. ;)
It must have been all just a dream,
because it can't possibly happened.
It's so hard to believe.
The ultimate clarification.
Friday, April 22, 2011,8:09 PM
Okay everyone, attention please. I am hereby going to clarify something, so read carefully. This might be a long post, but if you are one of the person who 'misunderstood' and 'misread' my previous posts, please read everything. I am only going to say this once.
Right, as all of you know, i wrote a bunch of emotional posts these days/weeks. So, i got some feedback from my friends, and all of them thought that all my emotional posts was about a particular person. When you guys read those posts, you might automatically relate to that person and you think i'm talking about that person. I want to make it clear, NO that is not true. People, i wasn't talking/expressing about that person. Trust me i know who is on your mind now. But no, it wasn't about that person.
It has become a huge misunderstanding and it kinda annoys me. So please change your thinking now. Trust me i am really pissed off now that i have to clarify my own blog post. What the hell? I don't have to do this. But this misunderstanding invited too many problems.
I never wanted to clarify and elaborate about my emo posts like this, ( because frankly i don't like mentioning about them ) but i have no choice because everyone misunderstood. Let me tell you, my previous posts, not all of them are about one same person/thing do you get it? I was emotional because there were a lot of problems, and it's not that particular one that all of you are so concerned about.
Some of my posts were about my family. Some were about friendship. Some were about some friends of mine. Some were about myself. Some were about my stress in studies. Some were also about the shitload of things i have to handle. But i assure you, none of the posts was about that person that all of you thought it was. None. Yes you might say that i'm exaggerating and i'm in denial or whatsoever, but believe it or not it's goddamn true.
I can totally understand why you guys would relate my emotional posts to that particular person. Because you aren't in my world, and you wouldn't know what problems i am facing, you think there was only that one thing that i am troubled about. Ridiculous. Anyhow i am here to clear the haze because what i wrote set off some troubles and outbursts, but it is completely a misunderstanding. Well i'm sorry that you have the wrong guess but you can't make me stop posting emo stuffs right, unless when i'm really not emotional.
I know that if you guys misunderstood about this whole thing, it might bring a lot of emotional distress and hopes and all sorts of things. But please don't think too much, what you thought really wasn't true. I might be cruel revealing the truth in this way but i hate misunderstandings! Anyway all of you should understand that this won't make me stop writing sad posts or whatsoever just because people might misunderstand. No hard feelings but this is my blog, i need a place to vent out my feelings and stress. Sorry for the misunderstandings that i caused but you can hardly blame me because i didn't ask you guys to think that way.
You might still think that i'm hiding something, that i'm in denial. I know you will probably think that i'm still attached to a particular thing and i'm writing everything about that one person. I know some of you would still think that, despite that i just made everything clear. But i don't care. I've already done what i'm supposed to do, i've already said the truth and clarified everything. It's up to you to believe me or not. But you should believe this, because what's the point of lying to yourself?
Every single line above is an undeniable truth. This is my clarification. There shouldn't be any misunderstandings and happenings from now on, thank you. I'm starting to hate the word 'misunderstanding' because i think i wrote it 20 times already in this post.
Ok i sound bitchy i know. Foul mood sorry bye.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011,10:16 PM
Today, someone, assuming this person is A, told me something. Well the story was, B told A about something C did. Something so ridiculous for me. I was like... what the hell. I had the urge to roll my eyes so badly. For God's sake, don't make me laugh. It was never true and it never would be. C said/did that because it was just some part of...i don't know, guilt? Regret? The main point is i know better.
When A told me that, yes i did sit there and think about it. After rounds of contemplation i came back to the same verdict -- no it is so not true. I felt like laughing again. Can you feel my dry sarcasm? Funny, how everything turned out to be in the end. I'm glad that i got through the worst phase. I must be some sort of superwoman! ;)
But that doesn't mean the end of troubles. New wounds come all the time, and i really mean all the time. But! Like i said i am a superwoman. Even if i'm actually not, i will be. Life's good, i'm okay, everything is great. Told myself that a thousand times, and i think i'm starting to believe it already.
Monday, April 18, 2011,12:30 PM
#Survival, Lesson 1.
Kill them, before they kill you.
Hurt them, before they are able to hurt you.
I guess i have slow reflexes, or i'm just plain dumb. Or else why am i always the one who died first?
Sunday, April 17, 2011,7:05 PM
Saturday, April 16, 2011,7:03 PM
Today was Sports Day and...it was kinda lame because of the weather. The school should have made a back-up plan if it rains -_- The so-called 'Plan B' didn't really made much difference. Before the senior telematch even begin it was raining like shit and the whole event just ended abruptly. They did not even announce which house is the winner, the sports atmosphere wasn't really there anyway. Ah and i love walking in the rain.
I was so exhausted when i reached home, collapsed on the bed like a pig. Yeah i know i didn't really do sports activity today ( didn't even sweat for the opening ceremony performance -_- ), but i'm just freaking tired.
or maybe because i didn't sleep yesterday I'm slacking off right now and i hate this feeling, but i don't want to do anything else either.
Why am i being so random?
Friday, April 15, 2011,8:58 PM
Thursday, April 14, 2011,11:31 PM
I'm a bitch and i should go to hell, right now.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011,7:14 PM
That's why i broke, i guess. No one handle me with care.
Don't ever get your hopes up, because the more you expect something, the more disappointed you will be when it didn't happen. I guess this is karma? This is what i get from being selfish all this while, this is what i deserve. Well... there's nothing i can do, right. It serves me right. A bitch always get a bitchy ending, of course, what else did i expect. I always wished that things were different, but who am i kidding?
There are no miracles, there will not be. I believe in miracles in this world, just that it wouldn't happen to me. You always get what you deserve. Maybe i'm just born to accept this fact, accept that i will be thrown away, abandoned, unwanted, uncared for. I should keep quiet, lick my wounds, shut the fuck up, right. But it's tired getting hurt every time...
The truth is it fucking hurts. -_- Trying to act nonchalant about it but i failed, so pathetic right. It hurts because it's not the first time, it hurts because i'm so used to this kind of pain, it hurts because i have to go through it again and again. Is this some kind of game that God is playing? Maybe before i was born, God wrote the letters 'T-O-Y' across my forehead. Maybe God even wrote a small '70% discount, fun to play with!' on my face. Sad case.
Oh shit, i'm so fucked up.
And you would never know
Sunday, April 10, 2011,1:09 PM
I thought that you were different, hoped that you would be different. But you turned out to be just the same.
Saturday, April 9, 2011,8:27 PM
I guess you don't feel the same.
A short post, to introduce you the newest gadget in the family.
Yes i've got my Blackberry! *hyper* Thank you mummy and daddy i love you guys so much. Apparently this is my birthday present in advance ;) Finally i can throw away my crap phone.
Ta-da! Blackberry Bold 9780. Bought the old model because the newest model is a lil too big and heavy. It's white it's white it's white. Love it so much i wanna cry T_T
P.S. Went to Boonie's ginormous house today to dance, it was fun ;D no pics though sorry.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011,9:54 PM
Hey all. Back to my meaningless, crap post. Well, these days i'm busy with sports practice and stuff. Stuff as in, the opening ceremony cheer leading performance. Ah wtf, i really don't get why we need to choreograph steps when we're just the background dancer. I'm really reluctant to do that, you know, it's exhausting. I'm losing my voice with all the shouting, why the hell should i lead 30+ people i don't get it! *throws tantrum*
Plus, some of the people are not cooperative at all. I get it that you don't like doing it, well, guess what, me neither. Just like you guys i don't want to do it either, it's more than boring. But for God's sake, you have to do it no matter what, it's not like you have a choice. So can't you just put in a lil effort and make my life easier -_- Super pissed off. But of course i wouldn't do the scoldings because.. i'm just too kind heh.
Anyway, been skipping lots of classes lately and i hate that too. I mean, fooling around and resting and playing with my girls are fun, but i don't think i can catch up with some of the subjects sob. Oh did i mention that Fluffy is sitting comfortably on my lap now? She's looking at me with those killer doe eyes and i forgot what i wana write next.
It's gona be a busy week, with the practices and rehearsals, and this Saturday it would be Parent's Day, track event next Tuesday, Sport's Day next Saturday. And lots of things on my mind, i'm in this pre-explode state now. Fluffy is staring at me again! What did i wana write next? wtf. Alright anyway, i couldn't care less if you don't read this at all. Like i've said countless times before, blogging is just a medium for me to express what i want to say. It helps in releasing stress heh. Gotta go now, have a nice day!
I don't know what i want, i really don't.
I know i'm being so selfish right now, and i hate myself for it.
But i don't want to have it any other way either.
What to do?
Saturday, April 2, 2011,7:23 PM
Woke up at friggin 8.30am in the morning, accompanied mum for breakfast. I wanted to do something productive ( i.e. revisions? ) at home, but i end up sleeping instead lol. I'm just not used to waking up early during the weekends okay. Anyway, for lunch the trio went to The Mines, mum said she was craving for Kenny Rogers. Apparently there's some education fair thing going on so it was a huge crowd at The Mines. Even though the queue was long, mum insisted that we eat at Kenny Rogers. -_-
Anyway that was my outfit. I bought that furry vest quite some time ago and this is only the first time i'm wearing it. Ticklish. Vest from Sg Wang i guess, shirt from beloved Nichii, pants from market, bag from Creative, camera from Nikon, watch from CK, face from mum and dad... wtf.
Kenny Rogers yo.
Tropical paradise on the left, and Autumn ( coke + chocolate ice cream ) on the right. Surprisingly both of them tasted not bad.
Mum's sandwich. This was the reason why she wanted to eat at Kenny Rogers.
*Not gona post the pic of Hime's spaghetti because it looked damn unappealing lol. The standard definitely decreased, is it because of the big crowd?*
My 1/4 chicken with macaroni & cheese, coleslaw and mashed potato & gravy. Yummy.
Vanilla and banana muffins. I adore Kenny Roger's muffins, they're awesome!
Went shopping later, bought none of the above. Tried on dozens of weird stuffs at Nichii again, just for the fun of it heh.
Oh, i might be buying a Blackberry soon! So excited hehe. :D
P.S. Needa wake up at 6am in the morning tomorrow, going for Cheng Beng. ):
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