when you wish upon a star;

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It is solely my opinion.
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Just in case.
If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone.
My stupidity! You can’t have it! :)

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Yes i'm emo.

Sunday, February 13, 2011,10:37 PM

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Yes well, what in the world was i thinking anyway? It was just a dream, you idiot. What else did you expect? You're not a little kid anymore, you should know that dreams don't come true. At least they don't, in my life. But is it really possible for a dream to occur in reality? Huh. Put it another way, it's not exactly a dream. It was a misunderstanding, it was my own fault for misreading signs. And it serves me right to be disappointed now i know that it wasn't true.

I'm not half as important to you as you are to me.

This, i am sure. You don't have to deny it, you don't have to force yourself to utter words that aren't true. Your silence tells me your answer. But you are a liar, yes you are a goddamn liar. I have no idea why i believe in you again and again and again and again wtf. Why the hell am i so dumb? Girls are supposed to have some special psychic intuition right, but where's mine? I see a trap in front of me, but still i jump right in.

Oh how persuasive can you be. How stupid can i be. How easily, i believe your words and your actions. How easily i fall into your freaking trap, climbed up with scars all over, and jump again. This is like a cycle, there's no ending to it. Friend, you really have no idea how much i appreciate you right. Is it funny, really, to do all these to me? Ok maybe you don't even realize what you did and what you say, hurts.

The only explanation is that you don't care enough, despite what you say. Every time i said, i'm never going to believe you again. But well, you see me on the newspaper front page saying 'Bitch stupid enough to jump into a deep trap right in front of her' the next day. Sometimes, things go unsaid. Things like me being your backup friend. Your backup plan. Your fucking BACKUP. You don't even bother. You don't even give a damn right.

I was always in the waiting list. I was the last. I was the backup that you find when you have nobody else. Fuck, i don't want to be a backup do you understand? Ok and here you go, saying that i'm not a backup. And there you go, doing the exact thing that makes me feel like a backup. Friendship, was always what i craved for, what i lacked. I admit, i suck at handling friendships. Most people that i talk to at school or facebook or msn, they are just normal acquaintances.

But of course, i have dear friends with me like Agnes Ling Yun, and also supportive babes like Jes and ZiSin. Thank you girls, i'm not talking about you guys here don't worry. I love you girls very very much, alright?

Anyway, i don't know what to do now. I'm a mess fml. You hurt me terribly, but i can't help but hope again and again that you will set another trap for me to jump in. Desperate much? Damn it, i'm an idiot when it comes to friendship, when it comes to you. Because deep down, i know i'm still hoping that we're friends. Best friends, like how we used to be. And now i realize i hate past tense damn. And guess what, you won't even read this because you don't come to my blog.

I'm nobody to you. Oh wait, i'm not nobody. I'm backup, remember? Yo.

Okay everyone, i'm just being emo. Ignore this whole post if it disturbs you. But please don't ask any questions thank you very much. P.S, don't make wild guesses people, i'm not talking about you.

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