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This weblog does not represent the thoughts, intentions, plans or strategies of anyone else.
It is solely my opinion.
Feel free to challenge me, disagree with me, or tell me I’m completely nuts in the comments section of each blog entry or my chat box, but I reserve the right to delete any comment or ban any person for any reason whatsoever (abusive, profane, rude, or anonymous comments) - so keep it polite, please.
Just in case.
If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone.
My stupidity! You can’t have it! :)

Note: I do not take credit for the pictures i post unless i stamp my blogspot on it, thank you.

Smile.

Monday, May 30, 2011,11:14 PM

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A really short post before i go for my family vacation. Need to wake up at 3am (that is in 3hours+ time) when our plane is at 7am wtf. So unreasonable i wana cry T_T Will be back in 5 days time. But i doubt i will have the energy to blog when i come back though.. anyway you can always check my Facebook for status updates.

Picture of the day,

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Blackberry is love. Hehe ((:

Hong Kong, here i come! Rawr.

Teacher's day.

Saturday, May 28, 2011,10:15 PM

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Yeap i'm gona just blog about the Teacher's Day celebration in our school, which took place yesterday. It was disappointing because it rained and the games were all canceled. ( it's not like i'm taking part in it though ) Anyway, Sweet Rebellion and ShirleyNg the photographer was busy the whole morning making up and preparing for our performance. Let the pics do the talking! All pics stolen from ZiSin's and Shirley's facebook hehe.

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Gorgeous babe and I. Height doesn't matter in love! ((:

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The three bitches. Mwahh.

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The photographer of the day and I. Thanks for the pics shir!

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I love my star star, credits to Vee the Professional. ;)

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Hip hop yeahh. We rock.

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Sweet Rebellion! I really love this pic hehe.

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Performing on stage... the dance was okay, no one did any obvious mistakes. It wasn't synchronized at some parts but it's considered as great. Wonderful job girls, let's do it again next time! :D

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Moo moo. Group pic at the backstage after the performance.

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Flash! pose. ( I can hear you screaming 'credits to who?' now lah agnes! )

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We are awesome! Sweet Rebellion is love.

To summarize the whole day, the truth is it wasn't as grand as last year's celebration i guess. I went home in a state of overloaded exhaustion and slept like nobody's business. Woke up this morning feeling lethargic as well. But i have to start packing my luggage, going to HongKong next week. I look forward to it because it's a family vacation, but on the other hand i can't fully enjoy it because exams are coming.

Speaking of the 2nd term.. this is the first ever time i did not follow my study plan. First ever time that i planned my schedule and just threw it aside. I started planning 2 weeks ago, my bio and phy should have been finished by now. But i didn't even touch them at all. I was busy with my performance and homework and stuffs. I feel so guilty and i'm definitely not gona score, sadly. I think i should just screw the 2nd term and start studying for the 3rd term. ):

Fear.

5:54 PM

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I had sworn to myself that i would not let it happen anymore. I had sworn, never again. But what i fear is coming true, it's advancing towards me. I panicked. I don't know what to do. I recognize this feeling. I remember this feeling so well. And because i'm so familiar with it, i know how the ending would be. I know what would happen to me. I can predict the scene... but i don't want that to happen. Ever.

So i tried hard to protect myself. I tried my best to shield myself from every possible form of pain. But this way, i'm hurting you. And i realize that when you're hurt, it pains me more. Do i protect myself from you, or do i protect you from myself? I no longer know the difference. Scared is too weak a word, i'm terrified.

Do you know how much?
i think you don't

Complications.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011,10:29 PM

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Nicole Scherzinger, Don't Hold Your Breath.

You can’t touch me now there’s no feeling left
If you think I’m coming back don’t hold your breath
What you did to me, boy I can’t forget
If you think I’m coming back don’t hold your breath

I was under your spell for such a long time couldn't break the chains
You played with my heart tore me apart with all your lies and games
It took all the strength I had but I crawled up on my feet again
Now you’re trying to lure me back but no those days are gone my friend
I loved you so much that I thought someday you could change
But all you brought me was a heart full of pain

You can’t touch me now there’s no feeling left
If you think I’m coming back don’t hold your breath
What you did to me boy I can’t forget
If you think I’m coming back don’t hold your breath

Move on don’t look back
I jumped off a train running off the tracks
Your day is gone face the facts
A bad movie ends and the screen fades to black
What you did to me boy I can’t forget
If you think I’m coming back

You can’t touch me now there’s no feeling left
If you think I’m coming back don’t hold your breath
What you did to me boy I can’t forget
If you think I’m coming back don’t hold your breath

Don’t hold your breath

Poh's birthday.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011,8:52 PM

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Today i don't feel like doing anything! (:

Yeah, i'm finally updating about Poh's birthday celebration last Saturday. Sorry, life's been hectic i don't even have time to breathe. Note, pics without my blogspot are openly grabbed from SianFei/Poh's facebook. (: Pictures will do most of the talking.

Date: 21st May 2011.
Venue: KahPoh's condo @ Sg Long.
Event: Poh's birthday celebration.
Attendees: I don't remember, 30+ i suppose.

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As usual we hang out at the playground doing amusing stuffs i.e. misusing the slides/see-saw/swings.

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The gorgeous with her gorgeous hair and gorgeous smile.

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Titanic fail!

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The guys were swimming...

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Barbecue! It's kinda the main event of the day.

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Some food to ease our starving tummies.

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A few minutes before the supposedly apocalypse. It was kinda scary you know (it doesn't show at the picture though), the sky was dark, the raging wind was bellowing like mad, leaves were flying around, the pool water was moving at such speed... for a minute it really felt like it's gona be the end of the world. It was exactly 6pm so we were scaring ourselves too lol. Thank God we survived! (:

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At night we were enjoying the food. It was awesome, and Shirley was so addicted to barbecuing her skin was hot enough to boil an egg. Haha!

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The birthday cake that got squashed by Poh's face a few minutes later. Still tasted nice though.

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The Stich plushies that we gave Poh. I'm kinda in love with Stich now omg.

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Happy belated birthday PohPoh! ( Sorry i didn't manage to get this post done yesterday. )

And of course there were some unpleasant occurrence that i don't wana mention. Minus the scandal, the party was a blast. It has already become like a tradition to go to Poh's condo every year, i hope we do it again next year ):

Before i end the post, here's a random pic.

stats

I saw this analytic from my Nuffnang and i'm like really puzzled. Why are more Americans visiting my blog rather than Malaysians? And I'm positive i don't know anyone in Egypt lol! ( Today my stats even showed South Africa o_o *dumbstruck* ) But of course if you like my site, feel free to visit all the time, you're very welcomed! (:

Bastard.

Sunday, May 22, 2011,1:01 AM

If there was even a little bit of compassion for you before, i can assure you that it's 100% gone now. Congratulations, you just successfully ruined every last bit of respect i had for you. I realize that you don't deserve my respect, you don't deserve my politeness at all. Excuse me, please know your own place. Where you're standing now, it gives you absolutely NO right to do this.

Who do you think you are? Don't you know that you are only creating trouble for other people? You make it like it's other people's fault, you make it like it's my fault. But you don't have any rights. Stop acting like you still got a hold on me, stop acting like you still have the rights to do all this shit. What do you gain from this? Absolutely nothing. For God's sake, wake up and face the fact already!

I don't have to sacrifice my own happiness for you. I don't have to mourn or be in grief with you. I don't have to avoid doing things that make you unhappy. When will you understand? Where's your dignity. Yes, i can't ask you not to be sad because it's your own emotions and frankly, i don't care. But can you stop troubling other people? Do you know you make people feel bad when they didn't even do anything wrong?! Can't you see how unfair that is!

Stop being childish. Stop being selfish. Stop being ridiculous. Stop thinking that the world revolves around you. Stop thinking that i'm still attached to you. There's not even a bit of me that belongs to you. Wake up, damnit! Yes i am furious now, with your attitude and your selfishness. You only think about yourself right? For once, can't you think about other people instead?

It's time for you to realize and accept the truth. Did you really thought that i would always be here? Your chance is long gone, i would never return. How many times do you need me to repeat this? Stop doing stupid things, it doesn't make things better. I had always respected you and i tried to understand your actions, but now i don't anymore. You lost all of my respect.

I had already warned you, stop this. But disappointingly you are still the same. Wake up, accept the truth, move on. Stop all these. And if you dare hurt or lay a finger on people who are important to me, i will never, ever forgive you. Bear in mind.

Anxiety.

Friday, May 20, 2011,9:12 PM

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I try really hard not to think about it, i pushed the thought away as far as i could every time it appears in my mind. But deep inside, i know. I know that someday, this wouldn't be enough. Someday, i wouldn't be enough for you. Someday, you will become tired of me. Someday, you would just be fed up. Someday...you would be gone.

It's too easy to see this day, i can even imagine the scene. I don't know when it will come, but i know it's not far away. I dread it so much..but there's nothing i can do, because it wouldn't be your fault when you leave. If i were you, i would probably have left a long time ago. But you stayed, and this is already so much more than what i wished for, and i guess..it would be greedy if i ask for more, right?

It's okay, when 'someday' comes, i would understand why you leave. It would kill me, but i would never force you. People grow tired of me all the time, i just hope that you will stay a little longer..just a little longer. Do you know, it's not that i don't think about it. I do, i think about it all the time. But i'm not ready for this..i really need some time. Not just 'some' time, but quite a long time. I would understand if one day you become fed up and you're tired of waiting, you would just leave me. But i won't blame you.

The question is: When that day comes..

Will i survive?
idontthinkso.

Lethargy.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011,10:05 PM

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I am so exhausted i won't be surprised if i collapse any moment right now. There's so many things that needs to be done. I've been busying non stop since i wake up and i didn't get a chance to shower until 9.30pm -_- For God's sake, i need somebody to lend me a hand lah. This is so stressful. And the thing is, none of my things are done. I wana murder somebody. Anyone, please.

God, i'm so annoying i feel like slapping myself. Twice. No, make that thrice.

-----

Wait a sec. Am i the laughing stock now? Something you would laugh about among your friends, is that it? Funny huh, really disappointed. FINE, so be it.

Wrath.

12:33 AM

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I'm kinda pissed off now. Like really. Cursing under my breath. This.is.totally.unbelievable! You are so ridiculous and unreasonable i wanna laugh, for God's sake. -.- The more i think about it the more angry i become. Do you have any idea what you're saying? Did you even think before you express your words? Because what you said wasn't true at all, stop changing the fact!

You are somehow accusing me, finding excuses for yourself, and twisting the truth for the public's knowledge. Did you forget? You don't understand? Or did you do it on purpose? Either way, there is only one truth that remain, one that sure as hell i would never forget. I did not say anything, i will ignore comments and feedback and criticisms and everyone who's whispering behind, because i respected you. I still do. Therefore, please do not make me refer to you as 'that bastard' okay? If this continues i really might.

别太过分了，我的耐心是有限的。你喜欢扭曲事实是你的自由，随便你。别人会因此怎么说，也随便他们。但是请你心里一定要清楚，什么才是真正的事实。不要为自己找借口找理由，做了就是做了。你把事情说成这样讲真我非常生气，但我尊重你所以我不会猜穿你。可能你觉得没什么好生气的，但是你根本就不明白你这样说对我来讲多么不公平。算了，反正我不管。

Memories are for keepsake, not for changing and twisting and ruining. What's happened has already happened, there's nothing you can do to change it. People might not know, they might believe you. But i don't give a damn. As long as i know the truth, i don't care what they think. So be it. Don't waste your time anymore, because i would NEVER make the same mistake again.

And as for you people, call me a bitch, tell me i'm cruel, i don't care. Those are just your own assumptions when you don't even know anything.

cold

Monday, May 16, 2011,12:44 AM

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i've never shivered so horribly in my entire life. freezing, but so what, it's not as cold as my heart now feels. i hate this emptiness, but maybe..this is the sacrifice. the only thing i can do. i bargained with God..i hope this works. as long as you're happy, nothing else matters, really. will my wish come true? ah, i forgot, wishes are for things which are impossible.

drown in self hatred. what i'm doing now, of course it's not enough. it's madness, really, but i can't think of anything else.. for everything that you gave, this, is what i will return. yes, you wouldn't know, you wouldn't see this. but God will. and..God will know that i can do anything in exchange for you. this feeling right now, be it physically or mentally, this is my compensation. you're in pain, so i'll just do the same.

this world doesn't make sense anymore

where'd you go?
i miss you so
seems like it's been forever
since you've been gone
please come back home

Sunday, May 15, 2011,11:49 PM

if this pain is what it takes for you to be happy, i would do it

bitch

10:42 PM

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I FUCKING HATE YOU, HEW CHEE YEN. YOU DESERVE TO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH NOW.

那一瞬间的，感动。

Saturday, May 14, 2011,10:30 PM

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Before i start with anything, here goes a wish for the birthday girl. Happy birthday SianFei! ;) She's having this celebration at Pavilion today, but the sad thing is i couldn't attend. Mum did not allow me to go because (a) she claimed that i will definitely reach home at midnight, (b) pavilion is too far away, (c) she will be going for a party tonight and won't be able to get me home and (d) she don't know the route to pavilion, hence she wouldn't be able to come haul my ass back home if she wanted to. -_-

So, decided to go for movies at Jusco heh. ;) Bumped into two people who kinda surprised me, like really.

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First movie, Thor. Well it wasn't that bad, but the volume was a little too loud it was nearly unbearable. My eardrums feel like they're gona explode. -_- The movie was nice though, go watch it! (:

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While waiting for the second movie to begin, grabbed a coffee at Starbucks. Mocha Frappuccino yummy.

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HAHA.

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Second movie, Priest. 3 words: What the hell. Seriously it was boring. Priests vs Vampires? Seems really bizarre to me. And the whole movie was like 90% dark because vampires couldn't be under the sunlight right. I don't like it. The only way i can differentiate the main character from the others/vampires was that this guy had a cross on his head. -_- Or maybe because i was busy feeling sleepy who knows.

Came home feeling exhausted, but without any real intention to sleep. Think of all the things i have to do, the stress is like... i have no idea how to describe it. But exam is coming and i couldn't even manage to finish my pile of homework. I shall die ):

-----

那些感动，没有办法形容。
只有停不下来的眼泪诠释着那些时刻的感受。
到底多久没有这种感觉了？
原来，这世界不是只有黑暗，不是全都残酷的。
真的非常谢谢。
It had been so long, ever since.

Silence.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011,11:41 PM

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I'm dying to change my blog link, but i have no idea what name should i put. Probably not demon anymore, still not used to Evelyn, and putting my real name would be plain weird. Putting strings of words without my initials/names might be nice, but i want a beautiful string of word that i would not change. Hmmph, let me just think about it.

-----

Sorry, i shouldn't have expected anything.
I shouldn't have hoped for anything.
I shouldn't have asked for anything.
Because as predicted, none of the above came true.

Mummy's Day.

Monday, May 9, 2011,8:59 PM

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I was stupid, but not anymore.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Gave mummy the card made by Hime and I, and also her small bouquet of carnations. ~~Speaking of which, is wilting right now.~~ Anyway, for dinner we went to some restaurant because mum wanted to eat cheese lobster and seafood. I think we eat this every year either during Mother's Day or mum's birthday, she's a fan.

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Outfit of the day, wore my killers and prayed that in illusion, my legs would look longer wtf.

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Hime and I.

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Our main dish of the day, the cheese lobster. Oh so delicious. No cheese no life!

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Some crab + steamed egg nom nom.

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Vegetables are... gross.

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Lala! It was too spicy and i couldn't really stomach it, sadly.

Last but not least,

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Happy Mother's Day mummy, I love you so so much.

You know what, I am so freaking busy i wana die.

Hey yo.

Sunday, May 8, 2011,1:10 AM

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Thank God i'm finally writing a decent post with pictures. Today ( well technically it's yesterday because it's already 1am now ) it was the Real Excellence Award ceremony at school. I hate it because who loves waking up early in the morning to go to school on a Saturday?! I'll be getting award for PMR 8A's, but i don't even feel happy getting that RM1000 because i already claimed it from dad and used it to buy my camera. My shitty camera which i regretted buying.

Note: I stole most of the pics from Yee's camera. The reason is obvious enough.

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Me and my whiteberry with the fake Paul Frank silicone cover. And dearest Mr Ying! Heh.

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Getting the award. Nothing much to mention about the ceremony since it's boring anyway.

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The trio, loves.

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Mummy and Hime.

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Mummy and yours truly.

After wards, we went to Leisure Mall because Hime wanted to buy shoes i think. And we were looking for lunch too.

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Wong Kok Char Chan Teng.

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My ice-cream waffles yummy!

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And my potato with mayo. I wonder how can i stomach these two platters lol. Looking at the picture makes me salivate again.

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Hime and I. (:

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Random picture: This is the bouquet ( a very small bouquet ) of carnations that we ordered for mummy and mama for Mother's Day. This is the first year we ordered flowers! I love flowers they are so gorgeous.

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Random picture: My baby. As you can see she's not naked anymore but her fur is still short. Anyhow she's very adorable as usual. My baby is a natural beauty okay.

At night we went to mama's house to celebrate Mother's Day in advance. They decided on barbecue yay!

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This is my beloved mama. (: Hopefully she likes the carnations we give her!

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Barbecue barbecue barbecue. I didn't really do anything, asked my brother to barbecue stuffs for me because it was so damn hot wtf.

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And if you think this barbecue thing looks weird, well of course. It was made by dad's factory (dad don't sell these, i think my brothers made it themselves just for the fun of it?), and even with the factory's name, Teakway emblazoned on it wtf.

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Laugh out loud! This was the first experiment. I don't think this is even edible! But we still peeled off the burned skin and ate it.

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It was really heartwarming when everyone got together. (:

Before i end this post, i wish every mother a Happy Mother's Day. It must be hard being a mother, and we really appreciate you mums. And to my mothers, I love you so much! Mwahh.

-----

Fake a smile, fake a laugh.
It's not that hard because i'm used to it.
If keeping quiet and swallowing the pain is what it takes to make everything okay,
I would do it.