when you wish upon a star;

This weblog does not represent the thoughts, intentions, plans or strategies of anyone else.
It is solely my opinion.
Feel free to challenge me, disagree with me, or tell me I’m completely nuts in the comments section of each blog entry or my chat box, but I reserve the right to delete any comment or ban any person for any reason whatsoever (abusive, profane, rude, or anonymous comments) - so keep it polite, please.
Just in case.
If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone.
My stupidity! You can’t have it! :)

Note: I do not take credit for the pictures i post unless i stamp my blogspot on it, thank you.

Karma?

Sunday, October 3, 2010,10:37 PM

I stared at the computer screen, and suddenly everything registered to me. Oh, so this is the truth? This is it huh? I couldn't do anything except clench and unclench my fist, bit my lips hard and tighten my jaw. I don't know i'm more angry or sad or disappointed. I guess i'm all of it. What the fuck, that's the only thing i can say. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. I don't get it at all. What the fuck!

The instant this happens, i feel like typing things, spamming somebody or anything. Anything that can let the anger get out of my body. Feel like throwing things but i don't want to hurt my beloved dog and huskies and teddy bears. Feel like tearing things but i don't want to clean up the mess after wards. All i can do is blog and say what the fuck over and over again. What the fuck. See, here i go again.

I guess this is what they call karma. Obviously, it serves me right. It's what i get for doing what i did. But boy, how much it hurts. I thought i thought i thought. So stupid of me for even thinking or hoping. It's not true, HewCheeYen and it never will be. It once was doesn't mean it's going to come back. What's gone is gone. Let bygones be bygones huh? Easier said than done.

Disappointment, disappointment. I have no idea at all until i saw that and joined the dots to form the story. God, are you serious? I don't think i thought wrong, it's so damn obvious okay. That's what it was all along. Wow, what a surprise. You liar. Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar! Or hey, maybe you're not the liar. Maybe i'm just the stupid one who believes what you said. I probably thought too much. I probably take your words too seriously. Dumb, HewCheeYen, so dumb. Can't you see it was all a trap?

Sighs i really don't know what to say anymore. I hate people lying to me. I really hate it. PMR is in two days time. Once it's over, i'll clean my wounds. I guess. Since this is not my only wound. I need my girlfriends right now. I need friends to laugh and joke and chat with so that i can forget these things.

And to my beloved friends, if you're reading this, i'm sorry i cannot tell you what happen. This is just something i keep inside me all along. Something that cannot be said. I need you guys so badly. But anyway, it's probably not what you guys think it is. It's something else this time, so no worries okay? Even though it actually felt nice to have people care and worry about you. And i know you girls will always be by my side whenever i need it. =)

Once more, all the best to PMR candidates. Good luck! I might not blog till then so, see you guys after PMR. (:

0 comments.