Everything happens for a reason, i tell myself. If it's gona happen then it will happen, you can't stop that. You call that destiny. I can't change it, all i can do it solve it, and find the meaning behind it. I really don't know how i feel right now, i'm stuffed with too much emotions and yet i feel nothing at the same time. I suppose they call this dissociation, i'm just numb and pretended nothing happen.
I don't understand, why me? I'm hoping that somebody could come and tell me it's alright, tell me how am i going to solve this. The burdens on my shoulders increased. After pmr so what? Dozens more problems for me to solve, for me to face. I should stop avoiding and face the fact. The Truth is waving at me, it's so damn conspicuous but i ignored it. Isn't that stupid?
I never thought of my life as dramatic. I only need a peaceful, calm, and happy life. It's okay without all the dramas. All i ask for is that i am able to give a real smile/laugh everyday, simple enough. But the more i want this, the more it's running away from me. For a moment i feel like escaping, to go anywhere, do anything totally unrelated to forget all the pain. I wanted to bury those hurtful memories deep inside my heart and lock it so that i would not have to reopen it anymore.
I ran out of ideas on what to do. I can only sit there, staring at the wall, or staring at nothing at all. My brain is working furiously, thinking feverishly. Scenes played through my mind like a movie replayed over and over. It seems so long ago, yet it seems like just a minute ago. I don't know anything at all. Hopeless might be the best word. Ah, helpless definitely.
God, if you are there, can You please lend me a hand?
0 comments.